Premise

In my last blog entry, I examined what a logline is and developed a working logline for the book.

Reading further on what Graeme Simsion has to say on a novel's concept, I note his formula of starting the logline with a 'when' to create a variation on the logline. He writes that the 'when' isn't obligatory, but this format not only gives the inciting incident, and a sense of where the action is going, but also what the conflicts or challenges will be. Also, the second clause is likely to be the novel's turning point.  

Example: When middle-aged man tries to add a marathon to his bucket list, he gets a harsh reminder of his mortality and learns to better appreciate the present.

I think he’s making a distinction between the logline and the premise /concept, in which case the two aren’t mutually exclusive; i.e. the logline and the premise or concept are two separate things, the former being used to conceptualise the story for both the writer and the potential publisher, and the latter also used to conceptualise the story, but particularly for the writer who needs to crystallise not only the inciting incident but also the conflicts and challenges on the way to the turning point and climax. 

 This give the following:

 

Working Premise/Concept for the my book (using the ‘when’ start): When mercenaries attack Mars in a bid to control access to resources in the Asteroid Belt, a young martian colonist has to fight to save his home, yet despite rejecting his father, the governor's, political world, he finds himself pulled into playing ‘the great game’.  

Alternative Premise/Concept (using the ‘when’ start): When the Space Force attacks Mars in America’s bid to control access to resources in the Asteroid Belt, a young martian colonist has to fight to save his home, yet despite rejecting his father, the governor’s political world, he finds himself pulled into playing ‘the great game’.  

Alternative Premise/Concept #2 (using the ‘when’ start): When America attacks Mars in a bid to control access to resources in the Asteroid Belt, a young martian colonist has to fight to save his home, yet despite rejecting his father, the governor’s, political world, he finds himself pulled into playing ‘the great game’.

I note this format reveals the subtext of the plot, hinting at the protagonist's internal struggle.